Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
