I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
