Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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