I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
