Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
