i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
