Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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