He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We don't watch enough power rangers
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
