I hate your face
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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