Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
