apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
