We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
