I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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