My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize