if only i could text you this smell
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
