I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
