He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's always time for handjobs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
