i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
this is an emotional support booty call
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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