I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
