i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
