ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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