wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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