Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
