She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
