reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
