I puked a lego.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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