I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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