I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
