I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
