The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I enjoy the company of your penis
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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