well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
