I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my being single is dangerous.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
