Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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