how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
