When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
