i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
