Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
