My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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