Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
