the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm passing your future prison.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
