He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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