i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
