People in love make me want to vomit
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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