You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
