You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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