My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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