I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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