Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
