Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize