It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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