I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
