I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
