a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
