My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
