Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
