you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize