'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
