so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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