pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
