I just saw a hot homeless man
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
