Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
