Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also, beer. Big fan.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
