they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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