I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize