I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
