you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
