ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
