Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
