All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
