nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
