I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we're making bets on your personal life
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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