I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
where are my eyebrows?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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