my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
