I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
