Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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