I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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